Download 5,000 Great One Liners by Grant Tucker PDF

By Grant Tucker

Whether instructed within the rugby golf equipment of Wales or the gentlemen's golf equipment of London, their sharpness and straightforwardness unites us all. brief, candy and wickedly shrewdpermanent, they carry a different position within the annals of comedy, and because the upward push of Twitter heralds a resurrection of the paintings shape, there turns out no larger time to have fun the immortal one-liner. during this e-book, furnish Tucker does simply that, bringing jointly 5,000 of the funniest one-liners ever advised in a single definitive quantity. Laugh-out-loud humorous, 5,000 nice One-Liners has the entire quips, zingers, puns and wisecracks you are going to ever want – and an entire lot extra.

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Extra info for 5,000 Great One Liners

Example text

I was meant to skip work today but I postponed it till tomorrow. An old lady was driving at sixty in a thirty zone. ’ My wife is so bloody immature. There I was having a bath and she walked in and sank all my boats. When I walked into the shop, the sign on the door said ‘Open’. Now I can’t leave, because it says ‘Closed’. Welcome back to the World Masturbation Championship… Still to come… Apparently, three and a half out of seven people overcomplicate things. My wife left me because I ‘never stand up for myself’.

I’ve decided to pimp my car. I’m going to rent it out so people can have sex with it. I bought a parrot last week because I thought it’d be cool to have a pet that could talk. But it couldn’t say ‘I’m hungry’, so it died. I just bought a vibrating cock ring. Now my chickens refuse to fight. My wife asked me if I’d put the cat out. I didn’t know it was on fire. Just given my nan a cream pie… And this proves that porn has damaged your mind forever. How do you torture a homosexual? Throw him into a bottomless pit.

Sticker on her car. The phone hasn’t stopped ringing since. I was having a row with my girlfriend last night and she accused me of being childish. What does she know? She’s just a stinky poo face. Time to get a new fitness plan. The old one wasn’t working out. As a child I enjoyed reading the Spot the Dog books. They were a lot easier than Where’s Wally? My wife is always saying that my muscles affect our sex life. I get a lot of ab use. I have an image of Jesus that pops up on my PC monitor if I leave it idle for ten minutes.

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